How to Ask a Girl out by Text (The Correct Way) - Cool Dating Advice

How to Ask a Girl out by Text (The Correct Way)

How to ask a girl out by text

In books and movies, it always seems so easy. Cyrano de Bergerac, Carrie Bradshaw, the wittiest characters of Shakespeare and Austen and so many more all know how to spin a phrase.

They all seem to know the right thing to say to the person they’re trying to win over for drinks or a date.

True wisdom is timeless, so what are the dos and don’ts of how to ask a girl out by text? The best way is to just come out and ask them if they want to meet for dinner or coffee. Find what they are interested in and see if they would go out with you to do that.

What should I ask a girl when texting?

The first thing to note about what you should ask a girl via text is that how you ask is just as important, if not more so. In addition, it’s vital to “know your audience.”


Different people respond to different things, and – spoiler alert – girls are people too, you guys. Treat them as such.

  • Ask yourself – what is this girl like?
  • What are her interests?
  • Just as importantly, what “type” of approach to speaking and interacting with others does she herself favor?
  • Is she a social butterfly who loves witty chit-chat?
  • Is she more reserved and contemplative?

A wordy, roundabout approach might not work well with a girl who values directness. While that same direct approach may come across as dull to a girl who loves the social side of small talk.

While your messages should be long enough to show interest and personality. We advise that long blocks of text are out – at least until you get to know one another better.

All these factors impact what you should say to a girl when texting. If the girl to whom you’re speaking is very extroverted and active, it probably pays to take the same approach.

You need to shoot messages that are cheerful, witty, expressive, and even a bit bold.

On the other hand, if the girl in question prefers quiet contemplation, such verbal fireworks may seem too much.

That said, crude, lewd, or dull solicitations are almost always a no-go. Respect is a must. That sense of respect must be reflected in the actual substance of your text as well.

Creepy unsolicited physical “compliments,” “hmu,” “dtf?” or the dreaded dully-vague “hey?”  can be easily skipped over and silenced.

A witty well-worded invite to an event of mutual interest? Now you’re talking (or texting.)

How do you keep a girl interested when texting?

How to ask a girl out by text is easier then keeping them interested by text for a longer period.

Of course, working up the courage to have to send a girl a message is one thing. Being able to keep that girl engaged in a conversation from message to message and day to day as you build a relationship via text?


That’s going to take more than a few sweetly whispered nothings.

One of the most important things to keep in mind is the frequency of your texting. This, as much as your words themselves, can reveal a lot about you to the girl you’re texting – for good or bad.

On the one hand, texting with a reasonable degree of limited frequency is a good way to show her that you are interested.

After all, who wants to go out with someone with an apparent lack of interest that they don’t even reply in good time?

On the other hand, texting too frequently can backfire – and, in fact, almost always does.

You also want to be sure to change things up. As William Cowper put it, “Variety is the spice of life.” Even if you’re messaging the girl about something about which she is extremely passionate about.

You also want to be sure to vary the format of your messages. While asking questions and showing interests is extremely important.

Questions to ask over text:

  • What song do you like the most right now?
  • What is your favorite take out food?
  • Can you share a fun video you have seen lately?
  • Anything great happens to you today?
  • Name a place you want to travel to and visit?
  • Do you have any great plans for this weekend?
  • What do you like to do in your spare time?
  • Give me three words that best describe you?

Just asking nothing but questions to each response she gives can make your correspondence feel like an interrogation.

What to do if the girl does not text back?

If you’ve been texting for some time with no reply back. This is especially if a date or texting exchange at some point did not go positively.

You may need to take a page from Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw to heart –

She’s just not that into you.

And you should respect that. While rejection hurts, it is far worse to hound or harass someone who is trying to break things off.

The most important thing to take to heart here is that non-responses are a kind of response.

“Ghosting” is getting more and more popular.

This can hurt emotionally, but there are very real safety concerns that compel women to “ghost.”

This is especially true if they feel pressured or disinterested in pursuing things.

That said, you don’t want to overreact to a non-message, either.

Trust is essential for any relationship, and overreacting to a no-message can be a huge red flag.

Life happens. The girl in question may just be busy with some extended life drama. Take a few days, and see how things shake out.

As with any relationship, no two “ghosting” experiences are the same. That said, if you’ve messaged two or three days in a row and haven’t heard anything back, it’s time to stop and wait.

If another week passes and you still haven’t heard back, chances are that you’ve been “ghosted.”

If that happens, sorry in advance. It happens, it hurts, and while it isn’t necessarily anyone’s fault, it can understandably leave you feeling down.

When should I stop texting and start calling the girl?

You have figuered out how to ask a girl out by text and things have gone well.

Text her to see if you can call her that week. They will let you know if they want to talk on the phone.

The old days that is all that was out there. You just called the woman up and talked about what was going on in life.

Now you can text to see if there is interest before moving to the phone then to meeting in person if you have not met yet.

Dating apps and dating websites use chat or IM for communications when using those sites. This is like texting and it is the first step before calling and meeting.

The basic 4 steps to asking for a date through texting

  • Initiate the text
  • You want to chat and do some flirting
  • Do not linger at some point ask her out
  • If she says yes, then figure out the next steps

If you need some help with learning how to text check out Magnetic Messaging for Men course.


That said, there is plenty of fish in the sea, now that you have a better idea of how to ask a girl out by text, you’ll hopefully be able to communicate what a catch you really are.

If you are looking for some good dating sites to try if your texting for a date is not working check out our review section.

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